At Free Soul we're so grateful to be surrounded by a vast network of incredible women. Each are experts in their fields, and often we're lucky enough to have them provide us (and you!) with their knowledge to help you level up your wellness from a new perspective. Helen Derbyshire, certified life coach and NLP practitioner at Real and Raw, with over 10 years of experience coaching women. With her help and non-bias advice, you can be reminded of your power and reach your full potential. When it came to navigating the fear of turning 30, we couldn't think of anyone better to equip you with the skills to handle the next stage of your life. Here's what Helen had to say...
Life is an ever-evolving journey, marked by various milestones and transitions. One such milestone that often brings mixed emotions is turning 30. For many, the approach of this significant age can trigger anxiety, self-reflection, and even a sense of unease. However, it is important to realise that turning 30 is not the end of youth but rather the beginning of a new and exciting chapter. In the following words I've explored the common fears associated with turning 30 and broken down ways you can overcome them, to embrace this milestone with confidence and optimism.
Let’s start by understanding where these fears come from. In my personal opinion I believe society has adopted this fear around the age of 30 due to comparisons made to future generations in relation to milestones. For example, when a family member compares what they did when they were your age. Like thanks Grandad, I know you owned a house at 21 but they cost 4p when you were that age. Or, when they tell you that they were married with three children by the time they were 25. Now before we direct our frustrations at our poor grandparents (or parents/aunties/uncles), it’s important to note, that the generations before us do not mean ill-intent when they make these comments, but regardless it can penetrate our subconscious mind and collectively create this facade that 30 is in fact “old”. When in reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
In my mid-20’s I most definitely shared these fears that you may be feeling as you see 30 in the distance, whether near or far. I made fear based decisions that would propel my life into a direction that I thought it had to go in order to stay on this time-frame. I’m talking, the 4-bed detached house, with the range rover on the driveway, two dogs with the talks of having children all before I was 26 just to ensure I ticked all of those ‘life goal’ boxes before the big 3.0. I did in-fact achieve those goals, minus the child before the age of 26, and do you know what? I have never been more miserable. In my gut I knew I’d rushed every single decision and tried to get in the way of the universe's divine timing.
What I truly believe, (and allow this to be open to your own interpretation) is that the universe has a path already mapped out for us, and each time we try and intervene we’re faced with set-backs/challenges or total road-blocks (this is the way the universe re-routes you). Once I deepened my spiritual beliefs to adopt and deepen this belief I surrendered and handed my trust over to the universe to guide me on my path.
As I approached 30, I did so with so much excitement for a new chapter rather than dread. I completely changed my perspective on what it meant to turn 30 and here’s exactly what I did, and what you can do too.
As we approach our thirties, it is common to assess our achievements and compare them to societal expectations. However, it's crucial to redefine success on your own terms. Focus on personal growth, fulfillment, and happiness rather than conforming to arbitrary standards. Recognise that everyone's path is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to navigate through life. Check out my podcast episode on Defining Success > Episode 42
Embracing self-acceptance is a powerful tool in overcoming any fears you have about your age or accomplishments. By practicing self-acceptance, it allows us to also learn self-compassion and teaches us how to be kinder to ourselves and not to compare ourselves to others when we are more rooted in who we truly are. Celebrate your achievements, talents, and the person you have become, knowing that you are constantly evolving and improving. Check out my episode on Self Acceptance + Self Love > Episode 54 and Episode 33 on Self Love vs Self Acceptance
Your thirties can be a time of incredible personal growth. Embrace new challenges, explore your passions, and invest in self-improvement. Whether it's learning a new skill, pursuing further education, or taking up a hobby, prioritize your personal development. By focusing on growth, you will find confidence and a renewed sense of purpose. If you feel you have been doing all of these things, or need a helping hand, consider hiring a life coach to support your during this time. Check out my episode on Life Coaching > Episode 36
It is in our basic human design to change and evolve. Embrace turning 30 (or any age for that matter) rather than resisting it. Understand that change brings opportunities for growth and new experiences. Be open to new possibilities and take risks that align with your dreams and aspirations. Remember that stepping outside your comfort zone is where true personal growth occurs.
Cultivate Strong Relationships:
- Entering your thirties is an excellent time to reflect on your friendships and relationships. It was a turbulent time in my life when I really started to analyse my friendships, and the people I had around me. I’ve never had the best luck with friendships up until I turned 30 and that’s simply because my self-worth was driving those friendships and relationships, so once I worked on raising my self-worth I understood who were the kind of people I wanted to be surrounded with, rather than surrounding myself with people I thought I should, or even friends that weren’t friends where I tried so hard to keep those friendships alive (FYI if you have to try to keep a friendship alive, it’s already dead and gone). Surround yourself with positive, supportive individuals who uplift and inspire you. Nurture meaningful connections and let go of toxic relationships that no longer serve you. Remember that quality is more important than quantity when it comes to friendships and relationships. If you’re single, don’t allow the decisions you make to be driven out of fear when it comes to looking for a partner. I'm talking about overlooking red flags because you ‘better settle down soon’. Once you raise your self-worth, become more self aware and confident you will attract people that are on that same wave-length and will treat you how you deserve to be treated, but if you rush and settle out of fear, you’re again, standing in the way of meeting your true soulmate (who may be JUST around the corner).
Check out this episode on Friendships > Episode 23
Embody a Healthy Lifestyle:
As you enter your thirties, taking care of your physical and mental well-being becomes increasingly important. At any age in life, our bodies go through changes, so if you’re feeling particularly insecure or mindful about aging, adopting a healthy lifestyle is going to support in maintaining a youthful mind and body. Cultivate mindfulness and stress-management techniques to maintain emotional equilibrium. A healthy body and mind will contribute to your overall well-being and help you approach this new chapter with vitality.
Check out this episode on living a healthier lifestyle > Episode 21
Focus on the Present:
While it's natural to reflect on the past and contemplate the future, it's vital to focus on the present moment. Appreciate where you are in life and the journey you have undertaken. Set realistic goals for the future but also enjoy the present without constantly worrying about what lies ahead. Remember, life is a series of moments, and being fully present in each one is what truly matters.
Going from 30-31 vs any other year was so pivotal for me because I took the steps I’m recommending for you to take, I felt like all the fear, doubt and worries of my 20’s just faded away and everything slotted into place. I promise you, you are not alone in the fears you share, but always remember, our fears are simple False Evidence Appearing Real. 30 is not ‘just a number’, it is a chance to really become a woman. Use this time to come into your own, to become more rooted in who you are. I promise you won’t regret it.
If you’re struggling with managing your fears - Check out Episode 63 - Your Fears Are Clues | A Guide on Facing Your Fears and Becoming Fearless
And lastly, please watch 13 going on 30 on your 30th birthday like I did and just have a complete nostalgia overload.
Love and light, Helen x