5 STEPS TO SELF LOVE BY @FREEFANNI

Jul 27, 2021

Two pictures of a person with brunette short hair posing in front of a mirror with a plant

Self-Love can seem like an abstract, unattainable concept preached by Instagram Influencers and Celebrities alike whilst flaunting their perfect skin, toned bodies and luscious locks. Many of us fall into the trap of thinking it would be easy to have self-love if I was "X", "Y" or "Z", but to do so is to misunderstand the very roots of the movement.

In this weeks blog, we speak to Danni Tabor, Self-Love advocate, Wellness Coach and founder of both LiftLondon and the iconic KettleBoobs brand. Her mission is to “show you that you can live a life that you want to AND in a body that you accept”. Here she has shared with us her 5 tips towards self-acceptance and over time, self-love.

But first, what exactly is Self-Love?

Self love is a practice. It is action steps of implementing self care to allow you to see yourself with worth and to realize you are enough.

Self love is a practice. It is action steps of implementing self care to allow you to see yourself with worth and to realize you are enough.

STEP 1 - GRATITUDE!

It seems like the #selflove101 and although it’s a repetitive notion, it is one that we need to keep repeating. There is something in us humans that make us focus on all the things we don’t have. All the things we have decided we are not. All the things that we are lacking. That, in itself, will cause us to be in a state of negativity. Nothing about giving attention to who we are not, will make us feel good or positive. So, a way to find happiness with who we are, is to be grateful for what we DO have.

That's easier said than done, how can we start becoming more conscious of what we have to be grateful for?

Writing a list of a few things we are grateful for daily, gets us into a positive mindset. When we are in this space mentally, it sets us up for a good day. We feel more productive, calmer, happier, more grateful, which in turn leads us to a better head space. Nothing beats being grateful for who we are and what we do have!

Key Takeaway: A way to find happiness and love and joy with who we are, is to be grateful for what we DO have.

STEP 2 - STOP THE SHAME BY RE-FRAMING OUR THOUGHTS

One of the biggest resistances to loving ourselves is this exhausting habit of shaming ourselves. The negative self talk we do in the mirror, the body shaming we do, the unkind things we repeat in our heads. We need to stop and think twice about what we are saying to ourselves. That stuff sticks.

But if we can believe the negative stories, we do have a chance of believing the positive ones. When we start with the “I wish my bum was bigger, or, I’d be happy if I were taller” thinking, we can start to reinforce a different story. “I am beautiful just the way I am. I am happy. I am enough."

By using “I am” followed by positive thoughts we can change our story and also re frame old patterns and try and build new habits of thinking. All of which will again, remind us of what we do have.

Key Takeaway: By catching our negative thoughts and starting to be aware of them, we can start trying to re frame them and attach to the new, positive stories that will bring us joy and peace and give us a sense of love, for ourselves.

STEP 3 - STOP COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS

It will not serve us. It will not make us feel better. It will not propel us to think nicer thoughts or live nicer lives, so why do it? Self-love is about who you are, not anyone else.

I spent years feeling anxious that everybody else was “skinnier, prettier, more popular than I was” The feeling of feeling “less than” used to eat away at me and consequently made me behave in ways that held me back from being the best version of myself. Now I realise we are all just different. I have things that I am grateful for and proud of. And you do too.

Key Takeaway: Beauty looks different on everyone, but people who are self-assured, comfortable in their skin, think lovely thoughts, shine a confidence and beauty like no other.

STEP 4 - BE KIND AND EMPATHETIC

We often find it easier to be kind and empathetic with other people. When someone is mean to our friends, we defend them, when our loved ones are feeling sad, we empathize with them, but giving ourselves the same respect always feels so much harder. In order to really feel self love, we must stop giving ourselves a hard time, we are doing the best we can. Have kindness for yourself, be gentle with yourself. We do not have to be perfect.

If we have negative thoughts, if we have a day where we can’t do any of the above, it’s OK. Self love is in no way about getting it “right” You will not be perfect. You will not always like your behaviour. But we should always try to accept ourselves.

Forgiving ourselves for not being perfect will relieve us of any guilt we have about not being the most zen, happiest, tolerant, fittest, smartest, funniest, most popular human on the planet. You are enough, just as you are!

Key Takeaway: Have kindness for yourself, be gentle with yourself. We do not have to be perfect.

STEP 5 - PRACTICE

And the biggest step of all, is to practice all of the above, over and over again. Just when we think we have got it all "sussed" out, just when we start to believe happy thoughts, nice thoughts, loving thoughts about ourselves, an old thought pattern will come back in and bite us on the bum. It might be with a scroll of our finger, the comment from our partner, the fit of a pair of jeans. But, if we fall off? We just get right back on and keep practicing.